So, I made this blog approximately four months ago. I wrote a few posts and then I forgot about it.
This is pretty similar to the Insanity Calendar hanging across the room from me. I completed a week (out of two months) and then stopped. Ah, what great examples of my life.
I wish I could say that I will continue to write posts and be consistently updating this site.. Truth is, I am consistently inconsistent. I start things and they go unfinished. I try hobbies, I stop hobbies, I try new hobbies. I start a deep clean of my house, and decide it’s too overwhelming after everything I own is spread out across the floor.
One thing about me is I tend to feel guilty about things for a very long time. The whole “self -love” concept always seems nice, but I am never able to master (who am I kidding, I’m not even able to comprehend the idea). I hold guilt about relationships 5-10 years back, how I stopped working my last job, decisions I made in high school, and my many many incomplete ‘projects’.
Some things deserve to hold guilt in my life. Decisions that hurt people, most of all. As I think, however, I’m not sure I can justify all the guilt I hold for only writing 5 blog posts, or not finishing my insanity, or starting and stopping a diet every week. Who am I hurting? How does this make me a failure?
News Flash to me: It doesn’t.
Sure, I would probably be in much better shape if I was able to stick to a diet or exercise regimen- but it isn’t worth hating myself over. This trait of mine I can surely work to get better at- but in all honesty, maybe it’s a good thing too. I get to try out all sorts of things! It keeps life interesting, right?
I have some awesome ideas to write about in this blog. I recently started working part time again. Trying to navigate being a mom and work is something that many women experience, and I would love to explore how it’s been a personal struggle and triumph at the same time. Before that, I went on a cross country road trip- with just Cormac and Pip (our dog). Six days- eight states- a tiny house, a teepee, and a two day snow storm in Texas. One experience that I surely want to document at some time.
Maybe I’ll write about these things soon. Maybe it will take weeks or months. Who knows (obviously not me). I do know, however, that I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I’ll work on giving myself a break a little more, and roll with what life brings next.